[quote]”I’m gonna count to 10!”[/quote]
How many times have you said this or something similar to your kids in order to try and scare them into doing what you’ve already asked them to do multiple times? For instance, my wife does this almost daily with our 3 year old. However, she prefers to use the 3 count method. This is an example of how it goes down:
[quote]”Sydney, I’m gonna count to 3 and if you don’t ‘insert whatever here’, I’m gonna “insert threat here”.[/quote]
And guess what? It almost NEVER works. And no matter how many times I try and explain this to my wife, she never listens, so she repeats this useless method over and over again. It’s frustrating to listen to, so I usually have to step in with this:
[quote]”Sydney I’m going to count to 1, and if I get to 1…”[/quote]
And guess what? I NEVER have to finish that sentence. Because half way through, she’s literally RUNNING to do whatever I originally asked her to do. Why? Well, it’s not rocket science, and it’s very easy to breakdown, and once you figure it out you will be beating your head against the wall thinking about all the hours you’ve wasted threatening your children, with accomplishing nothing but huge meltdowns from the child and one stressed out parent.
When you say to a child, I’m gonna count to 10… you are giving them the control and the time to decide if they are going to do what you asked. They are basically holding you hostage, because while they are taking their sweet time thinking it over, you are just getting more and more upset. Also a lot of the time, parents will actually count slowly and string the count down out, essentially giving the child even more time to be in control. Have you ever heard something like this before?
[quote]9… 9 1/2… 9 3/4…I’m about to get to 10 and when I get to 10…[/quote]
By doing things like this you are just letting them have even more control, and they know it. You should be the one in control, and it’s easy to do.
Step 1: Establish dominance. Use a stern voice, don’t be afraid to put some bass in it. I get loud, but never yell. There is no reason to get angry, mad or upset. They are simply going to do what I asked, or they will accept the consequences. Remember, if you get upset, they win, and yes, this is all a game to them. They are kids, this is how they think, so accept it and just make sure you play their game a bit better, and most importantly, make sure you always win. Cheat if you need to, but you HAVE to always win. Always.
Step 2: Follow Through. Without getting upset (this is the hard part), if they refuse to do what you asked them to do, and if you have to ask them more than 1 time, take away whatever privilege you think will make the most impact. So find whatever they love the most; video games, TV, hanging out with friends, or whatever they are into, and take it away. They will throw a HUGE fit, and it will be almost impossible for you to follow through with this, because no parent likes to see their child upset, but if you don’t, you will always lose.
That’s it! Don’t give them an option. They will either do what you asked of them or suffer the consequences. I think I’ve only had to punish my daughter once or twice with this – and the results have been incredible. Now she knows that when I have to raise my voice a little bit and get all daddy on her, she better comply, or else.
My wife wastes a lot of time by trying to reason with or coax my daughter into doing what she wants, when I usually get immediate results.
Remember, you should be the one in control, not the other way around.
I should write a book, because I’m awesome.