There has been a raging war going on between husband and wives, man and woman for decades, maybe centuries, and it drives more wedges between relationships that Facebook. What are we fighting about? What could be so passionate that we let this war go on and on and on. is it money, financial problems, lifestyles, different interests, in-laws? No, we are at war because of one horrible man-made creation, a product designed to drain the souls of men everywhere:
I’m not a big shoe fan. I mean, they go on feet. What’s the big deal? Total, I own 2 pair of sneakers, one pair of dress-up black shoes and one pair of work boots that I use for yard work. That’s it. I don’t waste money on shoes, it doesn’t make any sense to me. Now my wife on the other hand, has so many shoes, she actually switches them out by season. She has 2 closets, and actually switches them out from closet to closet every season like clockwork. It drives me nuts.
Now when my son was born she used to go out and buy him expensive shoes, like Adidas all the time, only to have him outgrow them in a month. It was very frustrating and at some point she finally saw my point of view, and she slowed it down – although I don’t think it ever officially stopped.
But then, we found out our second baby was going to be girl, and my wife and her girlfriends started joking about how I was going to go broke from the amount of shoes and clothes she was going to be buying for our daughter, and I laughed. But now, I’m two daughters in, and I’m no longer laughing.
Skip ahead to modern day, 2014, 4 years later. Now I’m the stay at home dad, and I’m in charge of getting the girls dressed most days. This task alone has many hurdles, but my biggest hurdle by far, besides trying to figure out who’s clothes belong to who (it’s all pink!) and trying to figure out which of their clothes is pajamas and which are their actual normal clothes, the biggest hurdle I face is SHOES. Their shoe rack is littered with dozens of pairs of shoes, and many of the pairs are the same, because my wife likes them to match sometimes.
Then I have to decide with my man brain, which shoe works best for which occasion. Whether we are going out to run errands, or going to the park, running to the bus stop or just going outside to play in the sandbox. If I let the girls wear their good shoes to the bus-stop for instance, I get yelled at by the warden (wife) when she gets home. So I have to play it safe, and it can be very stressful.
So one day recently, I was trying to get the girls ready to go to the bus stop. I know right off that I can’t put their good shoes on, so I go searching for their play shoes. I say searching, because another huge obstacle I have to deal with is that the girls like to play ‘Shoe Store’ and they scatter the shoes all over the house. So on this particular day after searching for about 15 minutes, I gave up, and I just put on some of the shoes that I did manage to find, on my 18 month old to go down to the bus stop to pick up her brother. There usually isn’t a lot of people at the bus stop, so I figured It wouldn’t be a big deal.
This is what I came up with
Now at the time, I was in a bit of a hurry, so I didn’t even notice the shoes were on the wrong feet, but I still figured, at the very least I should get some points for the matching socks.
I could have done this again:
Hopefully things get better. I wish my wife would start zip tying the shoes together or something, because I waste quite a bit of time on endless safaris looking for shoes.
So, this is my cry for help. I hate shoes, yet I’m surrounded by them. I can’t escape, and it gets worse every single day. I can’t even get peace when I sleep because when I dream, I dream about giant zombie shoes that chase me through the biggest shoe store you could ever imagine.
I now know exactly how Al Bundy feels.